Weight off my Shoulders

Pieces have been in the cabinet for 9 days now!!!!
I cannot tell you how much lighter I have felt the past 9 days, and especially these last two weekends!

I have done heaps of THINGS. Just things.
Reading books, browsing the web, tidying my room, buying new fish, thinking, reassessing, going for walks, going to yoga, watching dvds, cooking dinners, some jewellery thinking and making here and there, swimming....things I WANT to do WHEN I want to do them. It's amazing.

I am forcing myself to take some time to slow down. I'm not very good at it. At all.
I find myself having a few more than 5 minutes doing 'nothing' and I'm bored, and need something to do.
Last weekend I finished my most recent Jodi Picoult book, upsetting as I now have no new books to read (and my library fine has got me scared so I won't return to the library for some time yet). What to do! I'll have to re-read something, or borrow off someone, or go and buy something new. But reading is definitely one of my favourite 'nothings' to do. So I need to get on to more of that!

Now I have space in my head for thinking (unusual, I usually make myself so busy I don't HAVE time to think, so it's a bit strange having this 'luxury') I'm putting some of that 'space' towards my jewellery, and where I want to go and how I want to get there.

There are SO MANY OPTIONS and paths to go down.

It's hard.....

dilemma # 1

how do I maintain my 'hand-made, one-off' approach', in a way that will generate me some sort of income, without reverting to looking too 'crafty'? I don't want to sit in the same market as middle-aged mothers who knit baby clothes and sew dish cloths. which leads me on to:

dilemma # 2

what is my target market? how do I reach them? who will buy my work? where will they buy my work?
which in turn leads on to:

dilemma # 3

WHAT IS MY WORK?

perhaps I should start at #3 and work backwards?
I don't know. I feel like I should define my style or have some sort of 'look' or something....but I don't know what that is. At the business course I did the other month, the tutor said "your brand should represent the essence of YOU".....and perhaps, I'm struggling with this because.....I'm a bit unsure of what the 'essence of ME' really is right now. I used to know. But things seem to be changing without me being aware of it, until, it's all changed and I suddenly go...hang on a moment....thats not how I usually react/act/behave/think.

This BURNOUT jazz is lame. One day at a time. It will take me more than a few weeks and two chats with someone to get me back on my feet and running again, and there will be bad days and bad moments in amongst it all.

It's nights like tonight where I'm home alone, and I don't mind that, but I'd like some company, but then I don't really want to go out anywhere, I don't have any money to go out, its cold outside and I HATE the cold...and I think....who wants to sit with me in my trackpants and watch dvds and eat and mooch??...and I don't know. I'm not exactly 'fun' company at the moment. So then I sit at home by myself and feel lonely...all of my own doing.

Gah!

Just have to cherish the good moments, and learn from/get through the bad ones.
I do have good days where I think things are looking up, and those moments I need to remember and try to find again and again!!

The bad will pass and the good will become the norm, and it will happen.....if we don't have faith or hope that it WILL happen....then what DO we have?????