Uncertainties

I have been feeling that maybe I want to pursue some other type of 'career' role, and focus on that for the next few years (mid term). I am finding the jewellery stressful because I find myself not coping when that is all that is on my mind. And a full-time job that is not very challenging anymore.

The jewellery is a challenge, but its a different sort of challenge to the type of challenge I am currently seeking. I enjoy making jewellery for sure, and I want to keep doing it, I don't want to stop. I want to make stuff to sell online, to friends and family and things, and perhaps still for some exhibitions and awards. But I have found the deadline and pressure of a whole exhibition very, very stressful. It's a small cabinet even, not overly large, nothing like a whole solo show at a whole gallery. So maybe people will read this and think, oh come on, its not even that big. And you have had a LONG time to prepare for this. Which is true.

But for those of you who are not creatives, you won't understand.
There is not one continuous flow of creative thoughts and creatively geared action. It comes in fits and bursts. And when things around you and in your life aren't so peachy, its really difficult to get yourself to focus. I think the hardest part at the moment is not having a specific space to go to where I am solely creative. Where I enter and all I think about and all I am surrounded by are things that encourage me to make, create, be creative.
It's why people struggle to work out successfully in their lounge, despite the number of 'home video workouts' out there; why people find it hard to study in their bedroom. If you are in an environment that is not conducive to what you are trying to achieve, its very difficult to make yourself.

Some will say its a lack of self discipline, distraction control. And to a degree, they are right. But no amount of self discipline and distraction control is going to inspire a creative flow.

I think I want to look into another career option, that is flexible and challenging. Which will give me time to make jewellery when I need to. Which will hopefully be more often, if I am feeling challenged in my daily life. Being challenged elsewhere helps me to push myself in my jewellery practice. Yet my current job, I find myself getting frustrated at the boredom. and going home frustrated and tired, is not helpful. Whereas feeling like I have accomplished something during the day, and helped some people, will leave me feeling good, motivated, in control. And this will flow over into the jewellery.

I am thinking, that after this exhibition, I will not agree to any more for the next wee while. I will enter competitions, and make to sell from my website. But I will just sit back, work my job, earn some money, play UWH, look to travel, and to what else I can do as a second career option.

My current job is not what I need in the long run, it is an 'in the meantime' job. And I think the time is coming near that I need to start looking for other, newer, more exciting challenges.

I have so much I want to do, but I feel like this job isn't really taking me anywhere. So I need to look at how I can make it work for me in the short term....I can earn money through the job, I can gather contacts, I can relax and enjoy being young. It gives me a degree of financial security and I feel, control, that I haven't experienced before and I really enjoy that aspect of it. So I wil stay there for a bit longer, but I will also start looking at what else I can do.

I think once I find something else to challenge myself, to earn money, and that I enjoy, then the jewellery will flow. :)

Here's hoping!!! :P