R & R

I decided that this weekend, since I was so busy with everything else, that I would not think about jewellery AT ALL!
And it has been bliss. I have had an amazing stress-free weekend. I have enjoyed the company of extended family members and good friends, downloaded some new music....slept in, relaxed.
One of the things that was stressing me out, my tournament, went REALLY well. One thing to tick off my list. I loved being on tournament again. I haven't been to a tournament, as a player, in over 18 months. Which is a LONG time, considering this is my 9th year playing, so for the past 8 years or so, I have played at least one tournament.
I didn't realise how much I actually missed it.

With tournament, you know what to expect. You have to keep yourself in optimal condition. Your only concern is for yourself, your physical and metal conditioning, and then that of your team mates.
It is something I am familiar and comfortable with.
I found it quite hard to get my head into tournament mode and settle my head down from the stress I've been feeling lately. Which is why I decided to not think about the jewellery at all. It wouldn't have helped at all.

It just feels so natural, to be at a tournament and pushing yourself physically. It's hard to put into words what I mean, but for those who have been in a situation where all your focus is very physical and also emotional, but emotional in relation to your physical performace, you will understand. You feel like you are in total control of all the variables. The only thing that matters is the next game. Up until then everything is geared towards making sure you are in optimal condition to perform at your best. And after that, it's looking forward to the next game. It's easy, its defined, you know what to expect. Of course, the games are hard, the mental side of it is not easy, but it all comes down to YOU, and the team, and I love that.

I think this has been missing from my life for too long. I don't think I need to be playing at an international level every year, but having that physical release and engagement, and such a big, intense and condensed dose of adrenaline.....seems to break up the stress and help to clear and focus the mind.

People are always telling me I can't do both art and sport, or if they don't say it directly, they say it in their actions, the way they react to one or the other. But I feel, for me, I need both in my life. I need that balance of pure physical activity, and then the creative, more mind-thought-oriented activity.
The past 18 months has shown that I struggle with a lack of intense physical interactions...ie tournaments, events....and too much of the opposite.

I do think, that if the balance was the other way round though, that I'd be able to survive, and the effect on my emotional and mental stability would not be as detrimental.

I find the act of physically pushing myself really rewarding. Having to 'look inside' and really find a strength from within to push myself forward. It's something I've always struggled to harness in my jewellery career, throughout uni and since I have been out.

I don't know if this is a pivotal realisation, or one that I need to address seriously right now. But I have been having some thoughts recently. Perhaps I'll have them in a separate post........