Studio Problem SOLVED :)

Wow. I did not realise I haven't posted on here since November 2012.

I guess things have kind of been a bit lost, as well as a bit full on.

I have a new studio! And its SO exciting. I love it. I am always making changes to it; adding things, adjusting things, moving things in/out, changing all the 'stuff' on the walls. It's a great little place.

It's a little portable cabin from www.roommatecabins.co.nz, and it is perfect. Check them out if you need a little more room somewhere :)

I have been enjoying havng my own little space to go to. everything in that room is about jewellery, and it is so fulfilling even just being in the space. Everything is set up and I never have to put anything away if I don't want. So it's perfect. Well, there's always more I could add!

The below photos are from when I first got it, so quite a bit has changed since then, but it gives you the idea....and I'll upload more recent pictures soon! I found a jewellery bench discarded on the side of the road in the recent inorganic collection....so need to photograph that!!! Such a good find!

A lot can happen in 4 months

Its been exactly (well, one day under) 4 months since my last post.
A lot can happen in 4 months.

I have been to Rarotonga for a trip with one of my most favourite friends.
I have been promoted and started a new job.
I have bought tickets to New York to see another most favourite friend who recently moved there.
I have been diagnosed with depression, and am on the way to getting better.
I have managed to mend a broken heart.
I am taking a break from underwater hockey.
I have started playing touch for a work team.
I have bought a laptop, and a new phone.
I have put on some weight that I am not very impressed about (how did that get there!)
I have very recently looked into alkalising the diet, and the benefits of doing so, and am making a few changes to see if that helps me feel better!
I have come to terms with a lot of things.
I have learnt a lot of lessons about life, love, everything.
I have become older, and perhaps a little bit wiser (one would hope).
I have been to weddings and celebrated births.
I have eaten delicious foods.
I have done next to NOTHING on anything to do with my jewellery.
I am currently nursing a hang over.

Its funny how on days like today, after a good night out, a few too many wines, some flirting, lots of dancing, sweet treats, a hot shower that was longer than it should have been and a big, delicious breakfast, that you tend to get a bit reflective about things. Sitting here in a mix of trackpants and pyjamas, feeling a bit seedy, with no plans to get me out of bed and a pile of clothes on the floor that need to be dealt with. Its easier to just sit here and think about stuff, than actually get up and DO things.

I have been avoiding posting anything on here for the past four months too.
I guess its taken me this long to go through the whole process of going from being constantly unhappy, tired, withdrawing myself, having no energy, doctors appointments, prescriptions, answers and solutions; to finally getting some results, and also coming to terms with it all, having had enough time to sort my head out. And now I am ready to talk about it to people outside my closer circle of friends/parents. I suppose posting something about it on here (even though I have no idea of how many people or who will even read this) is the first time I have talked about it in a way that I have no control over how the content is delivered (apart from the obvious matter of it being a post on a blog).

I have learnt to stop taking things so seriously, to not expect so much of myself ALL the time, to take things slowly, and to enjoy the small things; to listen to what I WANT to do, and to be confident in that, instead of taking on everyones opinions and instruction and never knowing what to do, when often all the ideas and opinions are quite conflicting .
This relates to my jewellery a lot, as well as life in general. I've never been able to clearly articulate what it is I want to do exactly in terms of my jewellery. Perhaps that is because I am not entirely sure of that myself, and I am happy for that to be something that evolves, changes, is quite fluid and can constantly be surprising and exciting in the way it moves and adapts with my life. I think a lot of other people I have come acorss have a harder time trying to come to terms with something tha is not completely solidified.

One significant issue I know I need to address, and as quickly as possible, is my workspace. The workspace I currently have is very frustrating, and I need to do something about it; instead of just 'trying' to make it work. Easier said than done of course. It is not that I am ungrateful to my parents for letting me set up and take over multiples areas of our house, its just that the areas do not help encourage or enable creativity. The spaces are broken and separated from each other, and there is minimal distraction control possible. It is hard to sit down and feel inspired when the space is shared with others who are using it as a leisure space (I have a small section of the lounge which has my desk and bookcase in it, then my work bench is downstairs in the garage), or is full of other bits and pieces, which makes it hard to access (i.e. bikes, tents, swiss balls, sewing machines....).

I believe that when I get myself a new space which I can close off, and allow me to completely become absorbed in what I am doing, that I will be able to start focusing, experimenting, making, creating, pushing boundaries and producing pieces of work that I have enjoyed making. Right now, the spaces frustrate me and I find the whole ordeal of sitting down to make something quite irritating. Which is not how I want it to be.

I did wonder for quite a while, in some of the darker days, whether I even wanted to make jewellery anymore. Why did I spend 4 years of my life and $40,000 learning how to be really good at soemthing that will turn out to be not much more than a hobby, as opposed to full-time income-earning work?

The reason never changes, it just takes me longer to remember it sometimes.

I love expressing myself and my ideas in this form. There is just something so mesmerising about the challenge of getting a range of materials to work for you in such a small scale. Then seeing other people engaging with these objects, and enjoying the experience of being drawn in closer, revealing the detail and beauty of the pieces of work.

I will never stop enjoying that, or the excitement of creating something totally unexpected and intruiging.

And so, here I am. With a new life plan. Finding myself from time to time thinking about jewellery, and getting excited about it, rather than being absolutely unenthused about it all the time.
Its nice to be on the uphill climb again, instead of sitting in a valley of despair, not enjoying anything at all.

So bring on summer, and the new year (cannot believe it is NOVEMBER!), new adventures, new creations, and happier times :)

You are not old

of this I am certain: you're never going to be as YOUNG as you are today. so stop whinging about how OLD you are. you're only old because you say you are, so stop worrying about it and get on with being the youngest you'll ever be, ever again.


I cannot describe how FRUSTRATED I am at the moment. I am continually hearing people going on about how 'old' they are...Oh Im turning 23...its so OLD...groan.
I want to SLAP all these people and tell them to shut the hell up and get on with enjoying being the youngest they'll EVER be...instead of worrying about how old they are. One day, they'll stop worrying, and then they really WILL be old. And their youth will have been wasted worrying about the inevitable!
There are times when I feel like I am not as young as I once was....but this does not mean I feel OLD!


And whenever I tell anyone this, I get the feeling they just brush it off, ignore it, think I'm just talking smack. But I feel very very strongly about it!


I AM SO SICK OF BEING TOLD I AM OLD, OR PEOPLE EXCLAIMING HOW OLD THEY ARE, WHEN THEY ARE THE SAME AGE AS ME.


I AM NOT OLD.


MY YOUTH IS NOT OVER.


I am still able to have fun.
I can still go out and drink if I feel so inclined.
I can still make dumb mistakes.


The thing is...I just don't always want to.
I don't MIND doing things slowly sometimes. Going for a walk in the sun somewhere interesting with friends instead of just being drunk with them. Going out for a nice dinner and some wines, instead of a boozy BYO.


I think you just get to appreciate things a bit more, you're not rushing to try it all anymore. You know what you like and you know what you don't, so you can pick and choose to take part in the good things in life.


Some people choose to keep partying every weekend, late nights, big gigs.
Some people choose to get married, have kids, at a younger age than others.
Some people choose to go travelling, the big OE, overseas adventures with new places and new faces.
Some people choose to go into a job and work their way up, gaining experience, skills, titles.
Some people just float along, letting life take them where the opportunities lead.
There is no right or wrong, there is no better option or better path. Everyone goes on their own 'growing up journey' and I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason!
And the thing is, too, that you can always change, and you can do different things. You can have a job and go out partying and go travelling, you just have to make it all work for you.
If you're not enjoying you're life or where you are at, maybe thats the issue, and not your age.


I think the saddest part of 'getting older' or growing up, and the hardest part to come to terms with, is losing touch with people. Because we all start to go in slightly different directions, those that you used to have so much fun with and keep in touch with regualrly, start to fade.
It just seems to be part of the process, and part of the bigger picture. Those who are really important to you will stay with you, effortlessly...and those are the people that matter.


The best friendships are the ones you don't have to fight for, that just tick along, and you're always in each others lives, and its not an effort. It's just what you do.


For now, just enjoy living for today, make some smart plans so you don't screw up your future, and just get on with whatever it is you're doing! Have fun! Be silly! We are YOUNG ADULTS, for heavens sake, not reitred pensioners!!! (and even then....you're still as young as you feel!)

Lopdell House Pins 2012

"My intention has always been to create pieces that encourage people to take the time out of their busy day-to-day lives. To appreciate life’s simplicities and the world around them, to stop, take a second look and admire something.

The realisation that I myself was not doing what my work encouraged others to do, was one that broke me out of a pretty big rough patch.

Inspired by found objects from interactions with my environment, this body of works represents a reminder to slow down, go for a walk, and take a deep breath."

So so so happy with these pins. Probably my favourite (completed) body of work since leaving uni. At times I wish I had a bit more time to dedicate to my jewellery, a full day that WASN'T one my weekend days. But that will come eventually, and Im happy with what I am able to do when I fully focus and am excited about being at my bench. At the moment, it's funds that are inhibiting me more than the time factor! So once I get somethign back from these guys, I will be able to purchase some more materials for some new ideas :) Very exciting! With other things in the pipeline, such as a holiday to Rarotonga, saving for a new car, life in general, there isn't much extra in the bank! But thats not an issue that only I am experiencing, so time to get up and move on, start thinknig 'what next?' so that when I have the funds, I can get making asap!!! Thanks to everyone who has been out to see this display :)

Oh a plan!

(an appropriate pin!)

Sat down this weekend and decided to make a plan. It currently spans 8 years and includes a new car, potential to buy a property (one with space for a studio!!!!!!), and three to four overseas trips :)
Feels so good to have an idea of what I'm aiming for, and knowing that I can fit what I want to do into the near future is so exciting!
I think I have felt restless because I want to do everything right now, and for obvious reasons, I can't. It gets frustrating seeing friends going off and doing things you want to do, and no, its not just ONE friend doing everything; its a friend going travelling, another buying a new car, another going on a lovely date with their lovely partner, another getting a payrise or promotion, another studying overseas. Naturally I get bad FOMO and a bit jealous (Im starting to think it's okay to admit you are jealous. Jealousy can come across in so many other negative forms, as anger, as bitterness, as resentment, but when it's out there as JEALOUSY...its understandable. And jealousy, when kept in check, isn't a bad emotion. It's not really all that negative. It's acknowledging a success of someone else that you yourself wish you could attain. So really...it's not that bad at all! I suppose it's how one deals with that jealousy...do you praise the person for their success? And express your desire to achieve something similar? Or do you berate them for it? And make them feel bad for having achieved something, when you haven't? Hopefully, its the former!! I'm making a concious effort to keep my jealousy in check, and to be happy for others who are experiencing successes in areas that I also wish to achieve success in. Hard work does pay off, in so many ways, and nothing in this world is ever really for 'free')...so where were we....yes, I have been feeling jealous. I have lots of things I want to do and achieve, but feel like I do not have the means to get there....when of COURSE I do. I just can't have it all right now, duh. So I needed a plan...and now I know what I am aiming for :) and I can look forward to things; I can save and have a particular number in my head and goals that I am trying to reach. It feels SO GOOD, and it is ALL achieveable. And when I do go travelling, or get my new car, or buy a new phone, or become financially stable, I will be able to celebrate, and will enjoy it all the more. Because I will have worked for it, earnt it, and deserve it.
Also, when people ask me to do things which will sap up my money and in turn sap up the means I have to achieve these things, I can say....no, because I'm saving for all these SUPER AWESOME AMAZING things, so lets do something else so that I can save AND hang out and live a fun life :D

Fantastic.

The plan WILL change. I'm totally okay with that and totally prepared for it :)
But it will only change and become BETTER! :)

So if anyone out there is feeling a bit lost, or jealous of what your friends are achieveing and you feel like you're just sitting in a rutt.....make a plan. You will soon come to find that you too can have your cake and eat it too....it just takes some forethought, some planning, some prioritising, some creative thinking, some budgeting, some determination and some dreaming :)

Plan...here I come!!!

Moment of Clarity

I love extreme weather. At the moment its POURING down and its so dark, yet its only 6.30pm.
It took me almost an hour to get home tonight (a journey that would take me around 15 mins on a good day!) but this was alright, I had nowhere to rush to, I had a good CD on in the car, and I ended up going a bit of a different route home to avoid the worst of the motorway traffic, so had some new scenery to look at.
Extreme weather seems to shrink all your problems down, seems to put things into perspective. Well, it does for me anyway. And of course, on this evening, my mind experienced a sudden moment of clarity that I found very uplifting. I pulled out my notebook I have been carrying around, rustled for a pen and managed to write the following down while waiting at the various red lights and streams of stationary traffic:

When you hear of successful people, they don't talk about how many people they've dated, or slept with, what latest phone they had or how many parties they went to. You hear about their travel, their stories of overcoming the odds, of them following their dreams and their hearts. These are the days we are living RIGHT NOW. What we do now determines who we are in the future, how successful we will be, and how much respect we will have from those around us who actually matter.
So LIVE these moments for YOU. Create your stories, overcome the odds set against you, follow your dreams,  and follow your heart. BECOME the person you WANT to be. Someone others will look up to and admire. Love and all the rest will fall into place when the time is right. The only thing you have control over right now is your happiness and the ability to make choices out of the situations life presents you with. Invest in these with integrity, honesty, and passion, and in doing so, ensure yourself a bright, successful, happy future.

You are who you chose to be.

:)

Best ride home in heavy rain and heavy traffic everrrrr.

Weight off my Shoulders

Pieces have been in the cabinet for 9 days now!!!!
I cannot tell you how much lighter I have felt the past 9 days, and especially these last two weekends!

I have done heaps of THINGS. Just things.
Reading books, browsing the web, tidying my room, buying new fish, thinking, reassessing, going for walks, going to yoga, watching dvds, cooking dinners, some jewellery thinking and making here and there, swimming....things I WANT to do WHEN I want to do them. It's amazing.

I am forcing myself to take some time to slow down. I'm not very good at it. At all.
I find myself having a few more than 5 minutes doing 'nothing' and I'm bored, and need something to do.
Last weekend I finished my most recent Jodi Picoult book, upsetting as I now have no new books to read (and my library fine has got me scared so I won't return to the library for some time yet). What to do! I'll have to re-read something, or borrow off someone, or go and buy something new. But reading is definitely one of my favourite 'nothings' to do. So I need to get on to more of that!

Now I have space in my head for thinking (unusual, I usually make myself so busy I don't HAVE time to think, so it's a bit strange having this 'luxury') I'm putting some of that 'space' towards my jewellery, and where I want to go and how I want to get there.

There are SO MANY OPTIONS and paths to go down.

It's hard.....

dilemma # 1

how do I maintain my 'hand-made, one-off' approach', in a way that will generate me some sort of income, without reverting to looking too 'crafty'? I don't want to sit in the same market as middle-aged mothers who knit baby clothes and sew dish cloths. which leads me on to:

dilemma # 2

what is my target market? how do I reach them? who will buy my work? where will they buy my work?
which in turn leads on to:

dilemma # 3

WHAT IS MY WORK?

perhaps I should start at #3 and work backwards?
I don't know. I feel like I should define my style or have some sort of 'look' or something....but I don't know what that is. At the business course I did the other month, the tutor said "your brand should represent the essence of YOU".....and perhaps, I'm struggling with this because.....I'm a bit unsure of what the 'essence of ME' really is right now. I used to know. But things seem to be changing without me being aware of it, until, it's all changed and I suddenly go...hang on a moment....thats not how I usually react/act/behave/think.

This BURNOUT jazz is lame. One day at a time. It will take me more than a few weeks and two chats with someone to get me back on my feet and running again, and there will be bad days and bad moments in amongst it all.

It's nights like tonight where I'm home alone, and I don't mind that, but I'd like some company, but then I don't really want to go out anywhere, I don't have any money to go out, its cold outside and I HATE the cold...and I think....who wants to sit with me in my trackpants and watch dvds and eat and mooch??...and I don't know. I'm not exactly 'fun' company at the moment. So then I sit at home by myself and feel lonely...all of my own doing.

Gah!

Just have to cherish the good moments, and learn from/get through the bad ones.
I do have good days where I think things are looking up, and those moments I need to remember and try to find again and again!!

The bad will pass and the good will become the norm, and it will happen.....if we don't have faith or hope that it WILL happen....then what DO we have?????

Set up time!

Putting the pieces into the cabinet tomorrow midday.

1. I hope it looks as good as I am imagining it will.
2. I hope the display idea works, and the work doesn't look lost in the cabinet.
3. I hope other people will like it.
4. I hope it sells.
5. I hope I haven't forgotten anything.

Nervous sleeps tonight, but a relaxing evening tomorrow, can not WAIT!

The moment I walk away from the cabinet will be a very, very glorious moment!!!!  :)

Trying to find the words

How do you word something you don't fully understand yourself?

This is what I have so far:

"My intention has always been to create pieces that encourage people to take the time out of their busy day-to-day lives. To appreciate life’s simplicities and the world around them, to stop, take a second look and admire something.

The realisation that I myself was not doing what my work encouraged others to do, was one that broke me out of a pretty big rough patch.

Inspired by found objects from interactions with my environment, this body of works represents a reminder to slow down, go for a walk, and take a deep breath."

I think it's alright, but I'll sleep on it. Suss it out tomorrow morning when I have a fresh mind! 

Lopdell House

A few pins for my upcoming exhibition at Lopdell House

Up to about 20 now.....goes into the cabinet on Thursday, and still got a lot to get done! 

But things are moving on, and I feel like I am coming closer to the finish line,

instead of just fighting my way through task after task and getting no where! 

Bring on Thursday, and an exhibition that is complete and looks fabulous!